Some people won’t understand this post and that’s ok. They probably haven’t experienced any struggle in their own mental health or witnessed the struggle of somebody else. They can’t understand something that isn’t visible if they haven’t had some experience with it. But to those people, I say, the struggle is very real. Please do not dismiss something simply because you do not understand it.
It’s so hard to explain but mental health can be more crippling than a physical (visible) injury. I recently hurt my foot while travelling with work. Work at the time was miserable, stressful and trying. Most days were a struggle for me even before I injured myself. The pain from the injury in my foot was immense. I couldn’t walk on it; I couldn’t move around. It was debilitating. My accident took place 2 days before the end of our work travels and when I got home and was removed from that dark and miserable environment; the pain decreased dramatically. I could walk again, without pain. It shocked me how much my mental state affected the way my body felt and reacted. It was then that I realized that my mental health had a massive influence on my well-being. Of course, this is only scratching the surface of mental health. This is only viewing the stress that the work environment can have on your mental well-being. This isn’t even looking at conditions like anxiety and depression which many people suffer from regardless.
I have anxiety. I have had it since I was 10 years old. I have lived with it for 14 years. Depression also comes with anxiety and so I have also dealt with depression as well. I can’t remember what I was like before my first mental breakdown when I was 10 years old. I can only remember myself with anxiety. And I will be this way for the rest of my life. I’ve had to come to terms with that reality. But I’m accepting of that now. Anxiety has made me who I am but it doesn’t define me. Through all the trials and tribulations that having anxiety has put me through, it has made me the strong, determined, mentally mature, hungry and passionate person I am today. I wouldn’t have learnt the lessons I have without the struggles of anxiety. But I am not just the girl with anxiety. It doesn’t define who I am completely.
I think I would be a much different person without anxiety. I’m not sure that person would be as great as the person I am now because of it. Would I be as strong as I am without overcoming my fears? Would I be as determined to better myself while not letting my anxiety get in the way? Would I be the passionate person I am about living, learning and travelling the world without letting my anxiety hold me back? NO, I don’t think I would be.
As hard as it is to accept that this is me and this is my life and anxiety is always going to be a part of that (and believe me, I am still learning to accept it); if I had a reset button on my brain that could restart and reboot the way I process, the way I think; I wouldn’t push it. I don’t know who I would be without my anxiety and, frankly, I don’t want to find out.
In the past, I’ve been embarrassed and scared about openingly talking about my mental ‘disability’. 10 years ago, no one even thought to say anything about it. It was an unspoken reality that many people struggled to deal with on a day to day basis. Nowadays, everyone is talking about mental health. And that conversation needs to keep going. Talking about mental health and the struggles people go through is the only way to not only combat the social stigma against it but to help people start to deal with their mental health. As soon as I say it out loud; as soon as I say that “I have anxiety” and “some days it can be really bad”; I feel free. The pressure is released and I don’t feel as anxious anymore. Let us talk about it and not just during Mental Health Awareness week but all year round. Speak up for yourself or someone else. This world will be a much better place for it.
My anxiety is like a rollercoaster. I have my highs and I have my lows. At the moment, I’m going through a low. Each day is a struggle and I’m having to re-teach myself how to deal with my anxiety in most situations. But I remind myself that with the lows come highs and I will get better again. If you are in a low point (mentally), do whatever helps you to get better. Reach out to someone; go to a specialist for a chat; make a plan. Whatever it is, do it! You have something special to give to the world so don’t give up on yourself. Keep your head up and “just keep swimming” as Dory would say (yes, that’s a Disney Pixar reference; you have no idea how much those films speak to me).
Mean Productions 